Puggle Tail

Once upon a time, long ago and far-ish away there was a magical place where Kraft Dinner and hot dogs grew on trees and Lucky Charms appeared in the pantry every night. It was called Auntie's House.

Auntie's House had two residents: Auntie herself of course, master of Staying Up Late and Making Messes and Feeding The Niece Junk; and a tiny wrinkled puppy named Bailey. Auntie and Bailey, for the most part, lived happily in the magical land of mud pies, no nap times and not-good-for-you-food. Although, for the record, Auntie does NOT eat hot dogs. Ahem.

Auntie loved Bailey fiercely, and Bailey loved Auntie back about the same. Things should have been peaceful and gone on forever, happily ever after-ish, except for one thing.

Bailey was a puggle.

Being a puggle meant that Bailey NEVER SLEPT. EVAH. Being a puggle meant that anything in sight was pinged on puggle radar, chewed and destroyed. Shoes. Carpets. Toys. Lilac trees. Fences. Baseboards. Electrical cords. Driver's seats in work trucks. Anything Bailey could reach ended up in her mouth and chewed to a thousand itty bitty pieces.

What Auntie really wanted more than anything was for Bailey to sleep at night. Bailey wanted nothing more than to not have to sleep at night and preferred staying up to play in the yard, have a snack or run around the house on destruction mode. There were long terrible fights between them that usually ended in sleepless-ish nights; Auntie in the bed with a pillow over her head and Bailey in the kennel howling her sad song of discontent.

Bailey went everywhere with Auntie, even to work. They were hardly ever separated and soon Bailey developed separation anxiety of the greatest magnitude during the brief breaks when they were apart. Like when Auntie had to go grocery shopping or to the movie store that had a strict no puggles allowed rule.

On several occasions Bailey managed to sneak out of the yard and cause Auntie no end of consternation and downright panic. One such time Bailey was found sitting under the neighbor's barbecue licking their cooking utensils, causing them to chime against each other and announce the location of the wily pup. Auntie marched up the neighbor's driveway and removed her greasy companion from the scene of the crime muttering curses all the while. In hindsight, she should have left a note for her neighbors so they would wash their utensils before using them again. Oops.

Time went on and still Bailey wouldn't sleep the whole night through. Christmas came, and Bailey pruned the Christmas tree to perfection and gently placed the chewed branches under Auntie's pillow. Auntie was not so amused. Bailey couldn't figure out why.

Bailey was going on two years old now and still couldn't sleep through the night. Auntie was very close to going to the puzzle factory. But then Auntie made an amazing discovery: if she let Bailey sleep in the big bed, Bailey would sleep much better and sometimes even all night! Auntie was ecstatic and heard a choir of angels after a few nights of real sleep. Bailey might snore or even let a toot out occasionally, but Auntie didn't mind too much. Usually.

Still, even though Bailey didn't sleep through the night all the days in a week, Auntie was glad to get more sleep than she had had in a few years. Bailey's midnight wanderings lessened to a few nights a week as time went on.

As is wont to happen, changes came down the proverbial pipe and Auntie's House was magically whisked away to a location somewhat south and a little east of its current position. Change often begets more change, and Auntie fell in love with Uncle RR who resided in the new Auntie's House.

As time went on, Auntie and Uncle RR took on more roles and added a second title to their names - Mommy and Daddy to Princess Cailin. As is fitting for a little family, Auntie's House was renamed to be The R's House. Bailey was very accepting of her new little Princess Cailin and loved her right from the day they met.

From that day forward, Bailey and Princess Cailin were never apart, sharing snacks, secrets and personal space. However, Bailey still hadn't slept through all the nights in a week yet, even though the tiny princess could and often did. Mommy (as she is called now) would laugh ruefully and say, "The baby sleeps through the night, but the dog doesn't yet." In the meantime, Mommy and Daddy were finding it very difficult to sleep with a wiggly, snoring, oft-times gas-passing puggle that took up more room than allotted. Something had to be done, but what?

One day in The R's House, it was decreed that "thou shall get a king sized bed to sustain peace in the kingdom". Always willing to obey the law, Mommy and Daddy took Princess Cailin to the magical bed shoppe and purchased said king sized bed (and bedding) and set it up. There was acres of room in the bed but it was discovered that Bailey could no longer jump up on the bed as it was too tall.

Daddy took a week of patient training to get Bailey to sleep in her very own puggle nest on the floor beside Mommy's side of the bed. Although extremely miffed, Bailey came around and began to sleep in her own bed with no prompting. In time, she came to love her snuggly little nest and would go to bed long before Mommy and Daddy did. She still did not sleep through an entire week however.

Time marched on (and whew, so does this story) and Mommy and Daddy began to prepare for the arrival of his royal highness, Prince Jellybean. They moved their room downstairs to make room upstairs for the little prince. Bailey, true to form, was completely whigged out by the arrangement and took days to calm down as her bed was now downstairs as well. Sometimes she would disappear at night, and be found sleeping in Princess Cailin's play tent which was in the approximate location of where her nest had been previously.

But then Bailey made an amazing discovery: she could use the carpeting as grip and jump up on the big bed! She had been banished for a year from the big bed, and now she was back. Daddy was not amused as he had thoroughly enjoyed his puggle free sleep for the past year.

War was waged. Daddy would banish Bailey to her bed at bedtime, but by morning she was usually able to sneak in the big bed without anyone knowing. Upon waking, Mommy and Daddy would be surprised to see a puggle spread out, taking up more room than allotted and oft-times snoring and worse.

After a while, Bailey didn't even bother with sneaking. She would simply jump in the big bed and stretch out wherever she felt suited her best at the time. Mommy didn't mind so much, but Daddy's head would get big and swollen and in danger of popping every single time he caught Bailey in the bed. And then? Finally it happened: Bailey went nearly two weeks sleeping straight through the night!

Daily battles are fought, but the war is far from over. Mommy watches bemused from a distance as Daddy struggles with the troubles of puggles and their sleeping arrangements.

Mommy is never amused however, when Bailey and Princess Cailin share snacks, whether intentionally or not. But that is a tale for a different day.